Shane Parrish

Shane Parrish quotes on relationships

Founder Farnam Street. Reader & writer. Student & teacher. Leader and follower.

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Things you control: Your effort. Your beliefs. Your identity. Your actions. Your attitude. Your integrity. Your thoughts. The food you eat. How kind you are. The media you read. How reflective you are. How thoughtful you are. The people you listen to. The type of friend you are.


Sources of personal competitive advantage: - delayed gratification - capital - network (who you know) - unique skills or combinations - platform - ability to suffer - family / home life - speed - ability to change your mind - ability to learn/adapt


You can disagree without saying anything. Not needing to win trivial arguments saves you time, energy, and friends.


Mental distancing means staying away from people infected with anger, rudeness, poor thinking, superiority, etc.


What matters has sharply come into focus. Family matters. Love matters. Kindness matters. Health matters. Generosity matters. People matter. Community matters. The rest is just noise.


The bar for who you spend time with should be incredibly high.


Be the biggest fan of the people you care about. Defend them. Keep the hope alive. Make them look good. Catch them when they fall. Be there when they need you. Root for them unconditionally. Help them accomplish their dreams.


Sources of new ideas: - Extended conversations with others - Reading broadly (new fields) - Detailed (in the weeds) knowledge - Time away from the computer - Things that divide people - Talking with relatively new people to a craft - Traveling - Old ideas/books


So simple, yet so underrated: Make others look good in front of the people they care about most.


The best thing you can do for yourself is to help other people succeed.


Your relationships unconsciously shape almost everything about your life. They influence what you eat, how much you exercise, how you think, and how happy you are. Removing the wrong relationships is as important as cultivating the right ones.


The right relationships (friends, co-workers, spouse) 10x your impact. The wrong ones, cut it in half.


You choose who you are. You own your attitude. You own your integrity. You own your response. You own your character. You own your capacity to love. You own your willingness to help others. You own how you talk to others and yourself. You own your happiness.


Career Advice: Don't sell shit you don't want to buy. Don't work for people you don't want to become. Create win-win relationships for all.


The things that matter aren't sexy. Culture teaches us to seek money, power, and fame. And yet, we are no happier with these things. What fulfills us is being a mom or a dad, a son or a daughter, a partner, a soul mate, a trusted friend, ... to the people in our lives.


How to take responsibility for your feelings: 1. Name the feeling 2. Acknowledge the feeling 3. Take responsibility for your feeling and figure out what you need 4. Communicate how you feel and what you need


If you spend too much time with people who don’t have any ambitions, you’ll soon find yourself without them.


Be impatient with progress but patient with people.


A lot of people think that we shouldn't trust others by default because someone might screw us over. It's been my experience that the benefits of reciprocal trust, speed, and not living with your guard up all the time is more than worth letting yourself get occasionally screwed.


To understand happiness, study how people become miserable. To understand what makes relationships work, study what makes them fail. To understand what makes people more productive than others, study what they avoid.


The more you need to signal to others that you’re happy, the less happy you really are. The more you need the world to see how amazing your relationship is, the more trouble it’s in.


As a general rule, forgive anything but malicious intent. An understanding and forgiving approach works best most of the time.


So much unhappiness comes from wanting others to think we're happy or important. We chase visible at the expense of meaningful.


Life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who help others succeed.


You can't get long term outcomes with short term people.


The best time to have a difficult conversation is when you first feel it. The second best time is now. Difficult conversations don’t get easier if you wait to have them. The sooner you open up about hard things the better. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.


We spend far more time trying to control people than understand them.


Trust allows relationships to compound. When you don't have to re-evaluate people or worry about protecting yourself all the time, you go both further and faster with less anxiety and stress.


Meetings are easier to understand once you realize that most people spend time signaling not adding value. You can instantly shorten them and increase quality by asking people to tell you what they know about the problem that no one else in the room knows.


Your friends should make you a better person than you otherwise would be.


One of the biggest things that keeps us from achieving better outcomes: We'd rather not get help than let other people know we might need help.


If you want to know who are you, look at who you let close to you.


So much relationship misery arises from one person reaching out to another and saying “are you there?... am I important to you” and the other person says “I’m busy right now. I’ll tell you later.”


Look for opportunities to elevate others ... Show them you care. Make them look good. Support them unconditionally. Catch them when they stumble. Remind them of what they do well. Help them accomplish their dreams. Be there when they need you and when they don’t.


So much of life is being present with the people you love.


So simple. So Powerful. Be fully present with the people you are with.


Wet grass doesn’t catch on fire. When you are kind, generous, and honest, and respectful with people, you water the grass. If you’re anything less, the grass quickly dries and the smallest spark can light it on fire.


You learn a lot about someone by what they choose to do when no one is watching.


If you want clarity on what matters, imagine the thoughts you'll have on your last day. What matters? - How you treat people - How you love - Whether you live true to yourself - A calm mind The rest is noise.


How you love is how you live.


If you want to be miserable focus on yourself. If you want to be happy focus on others.


Live in a way that makes time your friend, not your enemy.


When I was young, I thought other people could give me wisdom. Now that I’m older, I know this isn’t true.


Never agree to anything on the spot from someone you don't know.


When two people invest in a relationship and add value when they don’t have to ... magic happens.


One drawback to surrounding yourself with only people of impeccable character is that over time you think that's the norm.


"It's not your fault, but it's your responsibility to do something about it" is increasingly how I respond to people complaining. This phrase acknowledges what happened, removes blame, and moves people away from a passive narrative where they're a victim and into an active one.


When someone shares their feelings with you, they’re letting you in not pushing you away.


Treat people the way you would want them to treat you if the situation was reversed. Not only does this prevent you from turning gold into lead, but often offers the path for turning lead into gold.


Find someone who makes reality better than dreams and do your best to deserve them.

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